During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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