508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
