Fine. I'll sleep in my office
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
