everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Found your dick twin last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
