you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
