JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
