He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
