I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
