I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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