doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
