So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
