I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a search helicopter?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
