try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
