I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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