dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
