Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
