So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
