I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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