Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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