I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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