I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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