One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I could fuck to npr.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
