Your mouth is God's brothel.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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