oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
