i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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