Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
