dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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