just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
