Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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