absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
