I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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