Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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