You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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