A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
