id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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