He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
