So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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