8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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