a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
