VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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