you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
