Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
