did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
