I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
