How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
