I hate all girls vehemently.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
