matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
