the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
