Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
