I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
