ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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