i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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