Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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