I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
