the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
