Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
