Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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