Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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