I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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