I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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