Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
